The essay presents overall a clear, precise argument with supporting details throughout the paper. It is filled with historical references regarding the topic and stays focus on what is being discussed. It gives an accurate timeline of events on the progression of kids, cartoons and commercialism. It also gives numbers describing the escalating spending of small children and how they fuel our economy. The paper fits in with what
we have read in a way that tells the role of children in our booming toy economy. By tactical advertising, the writerproves that children will buy and will also influence their parent's buying decisions. The essay can easily be repeated in a short paragraph and made a good presentation of the materials. It can be easily read with understanding and comphrehendsion. There were not any mechanical errors that hindered the reading. It tells a good story of the influence of commenrcialization by way of cartoons on young children.
I would have loved to see a more animated style of writing, since the topic is about children and cartoons. The essay did not have depth in this sense, it had depth in the affects of commercialization though. What I mean is that the writer could have discussed the cartoons a little bit more in detail as oppose to just giving the dollar amount of how much the kids spent on buying the cartoon figures. I would have like to see what about the cartoon characters attracted kids so much for each specific character mentioned. For instance, why was strawberry short cake so appealing or what features (character and appearance) G. I. Joe had that was so popular above all the other toys? The conclusion of the essay was also not clearly defined. For me, the essay ended abruptly. A conclusion discussing the overall history and what the writer's prediction of the future of the kid's toy industry and what it will become would have been pertinent information to know. Where do you think the toy industry will go? Will there be a stopping point on the increase in sales? What do you think the new toys of the future will look like (by that time, children will already be numbed or immune to the gory/pretty toys) What new concepts will toy company's come up with next and how will they be marketed? Will the same tactics be used? The information already given flowed with the thesis statement, but I think that it could have more "meat" with more in depth information. This paper overall is well structured and most of the details support the thesis.
Letter Grade: B +
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